The Lord has given many days of opportunity to spend time with Mom...she has come "home" the past couple of weeks to stay several days at a time. In that time, all of my attention has been given to helping to minister to her needs as best I can...thankful for the time to be able to use God's gifting to help go through months of mail with her, set-up files for finances and health information, assist with trying to reduce expenses and make necessary phone calls, clean, run errands, etc. There have been moments of going through pictures with her and my sister...meals together...playing games...the gift of time...
Things have been challenging for me as I try to keep my time available for Mom, while still doing all that my own family and home requires...home schooling, home business (with the addition of designing two ads), tax preparation and all that requires to make it a simple as possible for our accountant, shear managing of our home (laundry - the NEVERENDING DAILY NEEDED task, cooking, keeping things in their place while three young ones create challenge to this ongoing endevour, etc.), staying on top of everyone's schedule (college/work schedule for Zach, orchestra for Austin, work for Mark), nursing a growing baby (who doesn't have the night schedule down yet...with teething, tummy issues, etc.), several piles of unfinished projects lurking at me (I have finally been able to begin tackling these), a memorial service for Austin's Orchestra Director...
I must humbly admit that the past couple of weeks have been overwhelming...tears trickled on more than one occasion as evidenced most recently while holding a crying baby, as the gush of reality overtook me and the kindness of friends was just more than I could bare. It is ALWAYS easier for me to give and do, than to receive...never wanting to reach out, as I understand each of us have home responsibilities...children to raise, and reconciling it in my mind that I would not want to ask for help until it is REALLY needed...believing there could always be worse days ahead.
Trying to press on with the truth that "I CAN DO ALL THINGS THROUGH HIM WHO GIVES STRENGTHENS ME!" (Philippians 4:13 ~ emphasis added). Screaming this verse to myself and praying for the grace to do so. I am thankful for God's mercy of friends that extend a helping hand with caring for my children, so that I am more available to be with Mom...coming home to nurse and then going back to be with her. These will be precious times I will have to cherish in the days, months and years ahead. I am thankful for a husband who has gone above and beyond to provide for the needs of our family, truly pitching in with the children and home so that I can once again be with Mom.
Battling guilt of not giving more to my children (in the way of time, effort) to make their birthdays special. Three birthdays in a two week span. Battling the guilt of not doing a special post for Graham & Alyssa, as I had done for Zach. Barely managing the cake for each...but really, in the scheme of this season, I was reminded (thank you, my friend) that this year will be looked back on as time spent with Gran ~ redeeming the time and not being self-absorded. It is our season and there will be other years for bigger birthday gatherings...they are young still. :-) Thankful, however, for the traditional birthday sunrise with Mark, breakfast following and homemade cake...a special tour of our local fire station on Graham's birthday and the gift of a beautiful sandcastle at the beach on Alyssa's birthday. The additional (unplanned) gift of time with friends on each birthday was a sweet blessing that did make their day special.
Because of Him ~
"Likewise the Spirit helps us in our weakness. For we do not know what to pray for as we ought, but the Spirit himself intercedes for us with groanings too deep for words. And he who searches hearts knows what is the mind of the Spirit, because the Spirit intercedes for the saints according to the will of God. And we know that for those who love God all things work together for good, for those who are called according to his purpose. For those whome he foreknew he also predestined to be conformed to the image of his Son, in order that he might be the firstborn among many brothers. And those whom he predestined he also called, and those whom he called he also justified, and those whom he justified he also glorified." Romans 8:26-30